Tomorrow...

My oldest son starts the fourth grade. I remember being his age very well. When I started the fourth grade, I'd already been wearing a training bra for about a year. During the fourth grade, a few specific things stick out in my mind. First, I was second place in the spelling bee in our school. I ended up in second place after I spelled receive, "recieve". I kept telling myself in my head "i before e". I guess I left out the "except after c" part. The second thing that I remember also coincides with the third thing. During class, we always had to do multiplication facts out loud. The teacher would pick any kid in the room and give a problem, and we would have to answer. I never got any wrong. Ever. When we did timed sheets, I was always the first one done and never had any wrong. (Being perfect was important to me.) He picked me. 7X6. I responded 41. Wrong!! "I'm sorry, it's 42." I could have died! I know it's no big deal, but it was to me. I was very shy and had a hard time speaking up as it was, and then I got that wrong! How does that tie in with my third memory? I developed my first big crush in the fourth grade. Who was it? Mt teacher. Yeah. That's embarrassing to admit, but I did. So, I looked like a failure (in my mind) to this person that meant a lot to me. It was rough.
So, now my baby is starting fourth grade. Our lives are very different. I was also the oldest child. I also had to wash the dishes all the time. But, I had more freedom in the aspect that I could play outside in our yard whenever I wanted, and did. Todd also loves to be outside, but he can't go out whenever he wants and he can't be unsupervised. He has never climbed a tree or walked in the woods alone. We just don't have that here.
School work was fun to me. It was a challenge and I felt good every day doing my homework as soon as I walked in the door. My Mom never checked my work or asked if I had any. With Todd, not only do I have to ask if he has any, I have to tell him when to do it, and I have to check it as he goes.
By the time I was in fourth grade, I had had the "sex talk". It was probably the worst experience of my young life. I never told my Mom about it, or anyone else now that I think about it, until I told my husband about it. We were at a friend of my Mom and George's. (George is my Mom's husband. They started dating when I was 4, just after my Mom left my Dad. They got married when I was 16.) My Mom and George were always heavy drinkers, and they had taken me and my two sisters and brother to a friend's house so they could drink and we would all spend the night. After a few hours of watching movies with the other kids, I was the only one of us kids still awake. I have no idea how the conversation was started, but it was just George and I. He said something about boys, and then asked me if I knew what sex was. I said that I did, and he asked if I knew how it was done. I said no and was really, really embarrassed. He told me, and I swear these were his exact words, "It's when a guy puts his thing between a girl's legs." I knew before that point it involved a penis, but that was the extent of my knowledge. What he said confused me and made me very uncomfortable. He was drunk and smelled like beer. He was very close to me, and I just didn't think we should talk about things like that. I didn't understand. I thought it was literally done like that. The thing between a girl's legs. I didn't understand what the big deal was about that. I don't think I even knew I had a vagina. It was a very uncomfortable experience, and sadly one that I've never been able to get out of my memory.
My son will be nine in just about a month. (October 3rd) I haven't had any sex talk with him. He has learned some things in school, and we have talked about how babies are born. He asked how babies got in the Mommy's tummy. I have read in different places that you should answer kids questions directly and not add extra information unless they ask for it. So, I told him that the Mommy's have eggs and the Daddy's can turn the eggs into babies. He seemed happy enough with that answer, so until he has any more questions, I'm just going to leave it alone.
So, I am very proud of my son. He grows and learns every day. But at the same time, I am very sad that he is getting older. Very sad.